Thursday, August 5, 2010

Defending My Opinion: The Ugly Shoes, revisited

Nothing pisses me off more than a snotty, attitude filled comment on my otherwise happy go lucky blog. If you read here regularly, you will notice that there is not a lot of drama here. I use this blog as a means in which to chronicle life with my daughter. This space really is all about her. The things she says, what we do, and how it affects both me and my husband as parents. And, I share a lot of pictures - and often times my photos are the stories. I don't often write about the ups and downs of my marriage, my husband; I don't write about my career, and I certainly don't write about anything that falls under the "mommy wars" category. If I do pen something that is a bit more outside the box for me, you will find it as a guest post elsewhere. And, so naturally, you can imagine that I was a bit taken back yesterday when I got a "snarkalicious" comment on yesterday's post. I didn't sit well with me, and 12 hours or more later, it's still not sitting well with me. If I was a better person I would do this via email and in a more private manner. But, well, since someone felt compelled to "feel SAD" for my daughter and her ugly shoes in my public comments, I am going to clear the air right here in a blog post.

So, commenter - you asked "What does it hurt for my kid to wear a Disney Princess t shirt that she loves?” Really? Nothing. But, then again, it's your children and your choice. And, like I said yesterday, not in my house and NOT on my daughter. I really think that when you dress your child in the morning you should ask yourself "Would I wear that?” If the answer is no, then why would you let your child wear it? As a grown woman there is no way in Hell I would walk around with a Disney princess stretched across my chest or Tinkerbelle’s Pixie Dust embellishment down the leg of my jeans, then why should my daughter?

And, finally, "Did you really tell your daughter that she couldn't wear those shoes out in public with you? That makes me feel sad for her". Yes. I did say that. Then again, I am a firm believer of tell it like it is parenting with a bit of fear splashed in. I also tell her no cookies before dinner, that markers & crayons will be taken away for coloring on anything other than paper, that money doesn't grow on trees, it's not ok to play in the middle of the road even if you stay on the yellow line, that I don't want to hear any crying when the cat bites you because you were pulling its tail, and stop running in the dining room because the fake hardwood is slippery and I don't have time blood and guts tonight. I bet you feel even sadder for her now. Life isn't all sunshine or rainbows, and eventually Madaline will know that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy all live in her imagination. *gasp* But, seriously, they are a pair of sneakers. And, in my opinion they are "HOLY FREAKIN' UGLY SHOES" at that. They are not my taste, not my style and certainly not something I would spend money on. But, you know what; Madaline thinks they are cute even if she doesn't wear them. And, actually, that is her choice. All her shoes are lined up in the kitchen - 3 pairs of flip flops, 2 pairs of sandals and the fugly sneakers. Each day before my husband & her leave for daycare, she gets to choose what shoes she wears. She has worn them once in the two weeks she's had them. They gave her blisters the size of dimes and to be worn again, she has to wear socks. And, well, this time of year, wearing socks is just as evil as wearing closed toe shoes in Madaline's mind.

And, so there they sit. In the kitchen, unworn, waiting for fall and waiting for her to choose them. Will I cringe when she wears them? Yes, Yes I will - but, I'll deal with it.


Kameron said...

You crack me up. I saw a horrifics Disney shirt the other day. Remind me to send you the link! It was like one of those shirts "interesting" people wear with just the body of Cinderella on the shirt and the kid's head would be the "Prinesss" head. The problem with it was Cinderella is a bit busty for my liking. Would I let my kid wear that? Hell to the no! You have the right tyo dress her however you want and when she makes her own money she can buy the clothes she wants! ;o)

My hubby and I had a disagreement on how I wanted to decorate Nate's big boy room. He was fine with characters, I was not. I didn't want to buy some ugly Thomas the Train bedding that he won't even like anymore in 6 months. I chose a quilt that had the colors I wanted and I put dinosaur vinyl stickers on the wall. They can be gone in an instant!

Dana said...

I don't blame you for having issues with that comment. There is no reason to feel sad for your adorable, lively little girl. She is loved & taught the important things in life...that is what matters. Not a pair of shoes.

MiMi said...

Of course I had to go back and read that comment and that post.
First, I think the shoes are adorable and I swear, if I had a girl, you would see and hear her coming with bangles, jangles and neon colors on, for probably an hour before she got to your house.
You'd for sure cringe, heck I might even cringe!
I was reading over Rachel's comment and I think it just came from a different place. She has 5 kids and at some point, I think money becomes and issue.
If I'm in a store and I see a plain white T and a Mickey one, and the Mickey one is 2 bucks less and isn't a NAKED Mickey or something, than I'll buy that one.
And as a mom, I feel like if I don't want to fight that battle on a particular day, I'll let the kids wear stripes and plaids together with Transformer shoes. It doesn't mean I love them less.
I just choose my battles differently.
I have a friend who REFUSES to buy character anything. And she battles with her kids constantly.
But it works for her, she WANTS to fight that battle.
Anyway, I can understand why your commenter said she was "sad."
I also understand why you think the shoes were fugly.
But the one thing is that your daughter is ADORABLE. So it doesn't matter what she wears, she's gonna look cute!

Molly Louise said...

I've learned enough in three years to realize that there are some battles that you have to fight and some that you don't. (Truthfully, you and I go more through those - green plaid shirt and shorts ring a bell?) And I can understand that you don't want her wandering around in character stuff.

Honestly, the Little One has more fashion sense than I do.

rachel... said...

Hi, Heather. I wasn't sure if you wanted a private email from me or a response here or for me to just go away altogether, but here goes.

I want to be clear that I don't take issue with your opinion on Maddy's new shoes. I promise. I DO think they're cute and I have three girls who LOVED shoes like these at Maddy's age and I can imagine those shoes being the "brightly colored accent" of an adorable outfit. That being said, it really, truly doesn't bother me a bit that we may have different taste in girls' shoes. I mentioned that my 2-year-old has a pair that are almost identical to Maddy's (that she recieved, ironically, for her birthday from MY MOM) and if your post was simply a photo of the shoes and a caption of "Holy freakin' UGLY shoes!" I would have LOL'd and left you a comment about why I thought it was hysterical! Promise.

And really, I don't even have a problem with the fact that you choose to weather meltdowns and temper tantrums about clothing or shoes. If you have the time and energy for that, more power to you. And I can completely understand wanting neutral pieces that can be mixed and matched. I shop that way, too. It just makes sense.

The part that bugged me was that you said you told your THREE year-old daughter that you'd be embarrassed to be seen in public with her. Because of her shoes. I wasn't sure if you were even serious (that's why I asked) but the thought of it DID make me sad. And it still does, now that you've confirmed you actually said it.

Believe it or not, I'm not much of a coddler of children and I'm all for teaching them boundaries and about consequences. You might be surprised to learn that I, too, forbid sweet treats before dinner and coloring on the walls. My kids are grounded indoors if caught near the road and don't get much sympathy from me for a scratch from a tormented cat, either. I don't feel sad for Maddy at all about those. These seem like the kind of things that moms teach their kids to keep them safe or "for their own good", as my own mom would say.

But what did you teach Maddy by telling her that you'd be embarrassed to be seen in public with her?

I can remember being teased as a child for being the shortest girl in my class. And of course, my mom told me just what I would tell my own kids today: Anyone who would ridicule your height or your hair or your skin color or your taste in shoes is NOT your friend and you are FAR better off without that person's friendship. So, I can't imagine if it were my own MOM doing the ridiculing - the person I loved and admired and so wanted to please more than anything in the world. I would never want my own children to feel something like that and I don't want it for that sweet little girl of yours, either.

At any rate, I'm sorry I upset you, it was not my intention. Just "teling it like it is" without all the "sunshine and rainbows", I guess. No hard feelings on my end.

And anyway, it seems as if maybe you've changed your mind about letting her wear the shoes. My little one hasn't worn hers yet, either, so thanks for the heads-up about the blisters. I'll make sure to put socks on her when she does (unless it causes some kind of meltdown).

rachel... said...
This comment has been removed by the author.